SantaCon is today, which got me realizing what it must feel like to want to pull a gun on everyone in the street.

Oh… wait no never mind too soon…


I was actually lamenting (initially) on the shittyness that was yesterday. A reminder maybe that things are fucked up in our country, though I can’t see how anyone forgot.

We live in a country with ridiculous access to guns that are sold to assholes who get off on having a gun, and that’s really just it. There will always be crazy idiots trying to kill everybody, and as long as they can get their hands on guns, that’s just what they will do.

As a staunch advocate for abolishing any sort of gun trade in this country, I think it’s important to set realistic goals and contextualize these issues.

We can’t just ban guns. It will create a black market. We must ban the production of certain types of guns for commercial sale and regulate the cache of guns we have until, as with most things American, ten years have passed and they end up in a landfill.

I propose ending the manufacture of semiautomatic weaponry for commercial sale, and putting heavy restrictions on the sale of such used guns.

I propose setting restrictions on the aesthetic manufacture of weapons. Guns don’t need to look like race cars. Nor do they need to look like this. Or this. And, dear god, not this. The fetishization of weaponry is trashier than Jessica Simpson’s line of hair extensions.

I don’t know how anyone, particularly after this weekend, can pick up a gun and shoot another round of beer cans off the fence in good conscience. Grow up.

The lie that these guns come in handy denies all the times that they absolutely DID NOT come in handy, such as yesterday, or everyday, when people are killed with them.

Yeah, true,  people need to get their shit together and go to a mental hospital… SAYS THE PERSON WITH A GUN.


…You know, because we had muskets and shit and used to walk at each other in straight lines and shoot cannons in each others faces and, oh yeah, we used to have slaves too and strap them down to the lower decks of ships and carry them across the Atlantic for seven weeks. We’ve grown up a lot since then.

Maybe all the video games that gun worshipers love could be part of the issue? PROLLY?

I agree that we are a country full of idiots.

I’m looking out the window at a group of men dressed up in santa suits puking in the gutter at 3PM

No wonder our kids are so disillusioned.

No wonder we need guns. ■

– M


One thought on “Gun Control FOR IDIOTS

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