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FDR Park

2PM – Saturday – Four Freedoms Park – aka The Worst

* * *

Date – “What is… this

Me – “What’s what?”

Date – “This

Date points at ground

Me – “It’s an island…”

Date – scoffs “well… obviously… but is it like… a real island, or a fake island.”

Me – “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Date – scoffs… again… “You know… Is it made?”

Me – “Of what?”

Date – scoffs “NEVERMIND.”

Me and Date arrive at creepy dilapidated mansion.

Date – “I bet they’re going to turn that into a museum or something and make lots of money.”

Me – “What makes you think that?”

Date – “I mean… just look at it…”

Me stares at the frame of crumbling walls.

Me – “I don’t know. Might be hard to get a CO”

Date – “What’s that?”

Me – “A certificate of occupancy”

Date – “Oh… what’s that?”

Me – “Nevermind”

An undercover park cop speeds toward us. Me and Date – startled – are frozen against the fence.

Park Cop – “EXCUSE ME SIR YOU CANNOT HAVE BEVERAGES INSIDE THE MEMORIAL”

A happy family of twenty-five walks by as they exit the memorial, every single one of them with a festively red Starbucks cup.

 

Me – “What about them?”

Park Cop – “SIR, DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO CHASE EVERYONE DOWN WHO HAS A COFFEE CUP HIDDEN UP THEIR SLEEVE”

Me throws away his coffee.

 

Me – “There… everything is safe again.”

 

Date follows Me to a strip of perfectly manicured grass.

 

Date – “You know, you really don’t need to be so rude to everybody all the time.”

Me – “I was being rude?”

Date – scoffs  “Yeah…. Yooooo! Rude, you are always rude. Why did you have to say that? Why couldn’t you just be like ‘okay, sorry officer.’”

Me – “He was rude to me!”

Date – “So? You couldn’t just be the bigger man? Walk away?”

Me – “I hardly said anything to him!”

Date – scoffs “You had a tone…”

Upon the grass is a gaggle of innocuous Canadian geese. A young child starts chasing the geese around. Me and Date watch excitedly, expecting that the large ducks will vehemently turn on the child.  

Date – “Do you think that’s part of the park?”

Me – “What…? The geese!?”

Date – “Yeah, it’s got to be… look! They aren’t flying away! That’s so horrible! Their wings are clipped!”

Me – “What are you talking about? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard… EVER.”

Date – “No it’s not Andy!”

Park Cops in a golf cart drive at the child and the geese, sending the birds aflight and the child to therapy.

 

Me – “No coffee… No geese… CHECK!”

Date – scoffs

 

Me and Date examine Roosevelt’s ominous, floating head. He stares at us like most mid-century white men do at gay couples; Bored. Longing. We walk past, and framed is the city. We walk down the stairs, and start to take in the canted Manhattan view when…

 

Park Cop – “HEY… YOU… GET OUT OF THERE…!!!”

Me – “What?”

Date – “What… why?”

Park Cop – “YOU CAN’T STAND THERE.”

We look down. There’s a silver plaque. It reads “DO NOT STAND.”

 

Me – “But…. But… why? The stairs…”

Park Cop – “IT’S A FOUNTAIN… DUH!”

Usually, it would appear, when it’s not winter, there’s supposed to be water at the bottom of these stairs, making it, thus, a fountain… sometimes… apparently… but not right now.

Date – “But there’s no water in it.”

Park Cop – “WELL YOU STILL CAN’T STAND THERE”

Me – “Three freedoms down, where’s the fourth!?”

Me and Date decide on the tram on our way back. It’s by far the best part.

 

Date – “What a beautiful space… It’s just not made for anybody to use. When did they stop making spaces for people to use?” ■

– A

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One thought on “Four Freedoms Park SUCKS

  1. Pingback: Introducing Myself Again | Debbi Mack's Blog

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